I have been getting asked a fair bit about my conversion/reversion story and so here goes...
For those of you who don't already know, I was Wiccan (a practitionner of magic and worshipper of the goddess; also known as a white witch) before I found Islam and reverted ...
It happened in a matter of stages really ...
For near thirty years I did not even know the words Muslim or Islam
Then I met an online friend who was muslim ... actually a few online muslim friends ... and I couldn't fathom why on earth anyone so intelligent would prostrate before Allah (SWT) I thought for sure they must be brainwashed to think like they did and I started out wanting to prove to them that they need to learn to think for themselves. Not only did I realize that they were not brainwashed but this started my journey to Islam!!!
My first muslim friend sent me a terrible link to give a non believer as a first introduction to Islam .. It seemed quite violent and was promoting Jihad and telling people if you were not Muslim you were nothing more than fuel for the fire. Then my friend told me that if I tried to learn about Islam that surely I would become a Muslim ... My first response of course as a free thinker was YEAH RIGHT NOT IN A MILLION YEARS ... but I told them because I wanted to better understand why they thought like they did and I would do some more research about Islam . For me it is a more respectable thing to do than to just immediately diss someone for their religion.
So I began my journey in doubt as I am sure many reverts do by reading about the Miracles in Islam and the Miracles in the Quran and somehow ended up on a forum that discusses how the moon had split in two. What I found amazing that the moon really does have a divide down the center of it Subhana'allah (proven by science). And without telescopes or the technology to take photos of the moon none the less the ability to land on the moon ... how could the people know 1400 years ago that it really was divided in two unless God himself revealed it?? It was an incredibly interesting forum and a knowledgeable muslim kept respectfully defending Islam and stuck to how Islam was a religion of peace and submission to one God. He had left some very good links (ie Islam Way) and some quranic sites so I followed the links! I sent away for my own english version of the Quran and started reading between internet and books that were sent to me with the Quran.
I started off trying to refute Islam only to get drawn in and it got to the point where I didn't wan't to stop learning alhamdulillah!!! I learned first of the miracles revealed by the Quran. For example the different stages of pregnancy first the revelation that the beginning stage is in the appearance of a clot ... then chewed substance ... then looking like a little human being .... How could they know this without the use of ultrasound?? ... And then the miracle of the Quran itself ... how did an illiterate man come up with all the verses in the Quran on his own, unless God sent him an angel to give him the words, to bring people the knowledge of the best way to live, and how is it that millions have the whole Quran memorized ... who other than God could make it possible ??... subhana'Allah!!
As I began to read I began to be more aware of things happening around me ... I started to be even more disgusted by the scantily dressed girls around me ... I lost my taste for pork and alcohol ... and I no longer enjoyed or wanted to perform magic ... I began to feel like that whatever I was was missing in my life was beginning to get fulfilled, and I started wanting to be a better person subhanah Allah, and most of all I discovered that I already had most of the beliefs and character traits of a muslim.
I believed already that family is of the utmost importance. I believed in helping other people less fortunate than myself. I believed women and men should be properly covered (I could not stand seeing nakedness on the young girls here) I believed in taking care of animals and the environment. I believed in doing good for the sake of good! I couldn't ever be brought to do harm on another human being or animal. I believed we are all accountable for our own actions. I believed that what was provided on the earth needed to be properly appreciated and that we needed to give our thanks for all that we have. I believed that all things are in perfect balance and that nothing happens without a reason. All these and other beliefs I discovered were paralell to Islam teachings. Alhamdulillah I was pretty near a Muslim all along and didn't even know it.
When I started to read the Quran (in English of Course) a peace began to fall over me ... a calmness that I didn't know before... It was like I had entered a new and different magical world. Then one day I was listening to a surat #9 in Arabic and I began to cry ... I had no idea what I was listening to but I went back to read the translation to see what it was that could possibly move me to tears and it was the surah of Repentance ... so I cried again when I knew what it was my heart was knowing before my brain did.
Though at this point I wasn't quite pushed far enough to take the plunge into the abyss of Islam, and say the shahada :) I still needed more proof!!
I had been regularly getting extremely terrifying dreams. The magic I had practiced over the years had been growing stronger; that seemed to attract some evil forces that wanted to steal it from me. I would clutch my pentacle for protection and the evil forces would be stayed for a short time, I would build protection walls and make spells for protection and that helped a little. But it seemed that the evil continued to come back and regularly tried to rape of my magic and my soul regardless of my efforts at protection (yes I know how crazy this sounds). It got to the point I was scared to sleep at night because I might not be able to fend off another attack and keep my sanity and stay strong against the evil, Astaghferullah.
Then one day I did a very simple thing. I took of my pentacle with intention of allowing or begging Allah (SWT) to keep me safe from harm. And in so doing I made a private contract with Allah. I was no longer Wiccan and I was demanding in return Allah's protection of my soul. Honestly I have not had another terrifying nightmare since, and I finally felt safe to sleep and safe to go about my day!! Alhamdulillah!!!!
Shortly after that ... I had a muslim friend extend their hand to me and tell me that the Islamic community would be delighted and honored to have me as a sister among them .... and I had a tingling sensation go all over my whole body. I was so supercharged that evening, and I knew that the time had come to make the official leap of faith ....
After that I took the first opportunity I had to make it to the local Masjid to say my shahada, while a friend of mine watched my children for me. That too was a journey for me ... I went under the pretext that I was going shopping. I showed up at the masjiid only to be told the imam wasn't there and that I would need to come back in half an hour to an hour ... so I left feeling mighty dejected and I came back at the appointed time to say the shahada. (it turned out to be a very long shopping trip because I really did need to do some shopping after. lol)
The imam wanted me to go home for the weekend think things over and return on monday ... I said nooooo it was so hard just to get there that day, I had decided I was going to be Muslim and so be it. Besides there is no guarantee that tomorrow or any other day is even going to come. Any way the imam took me in and I said the shahada on November 9 2007.
ALHAMDULILLAH ... I almost felt guilty for making him late for whatever function he needed to attend (which is why he wanted me to come back another day) but I just couldn't leave the masjiid as a non-muslim.
Any magic I was able to do in the past I no longer have an urge to do. Allah's magic is so powerful that anything I could do would be nothing and swallowed up by the greatness of Allah (SWT). No evil can touch me now, and I am more whole than I have ever been. Alhamdulillah!!!! Subhana'Allah!!!! ALLAHU AKBAR!!!!!!